


If the fever fades away

by JuAnt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Delirium, Fever, Gen, Happy Ending, Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, No Sex, Oblivious Castiel, Pining Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1965489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuAnt/pseuds/JuAnt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dear Mr. Winchester:<br/>If you don’t have any inconvenience I beg you to come to my house this evening. If I have the time I’ll pick you up myself.<br/>Mr. M. Novak”</p>
<p>So that’s how Dean found himself waiting for the evening and wondering how on earth he had something to do with all that. But one thing he was sure, if Castiel needed him, he was going to be there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Note

**Author's Note:**

> This work is inspired by Horacio Quiroga's "The meningitis and its shadow". This is just a tribute to his amazing work. 
> 
> This is my first fanfiction, so please be merciful, and don't judge me too severely, also I'm not a native english speaker, so if you my english sounds strange it's because I did a terrible work at translating my ideas and I apologize for that. Any contribution or correction is welcome. 
> 
> There's nothing let to say, enjoy.
> 
> P.S.
> 
> I edited this chapter because OMG! I had so many horrible mistakes, It's a surprise that I got kudos at all. So thanks to all the patient souls that understood me and gave this a try

**The Note**

 

The letter was brief and barely informative, that’s why Dean felt an unsettling feeling in his stomach, that and the cryptic choice of words that the letter contained.  It was an invitation (well sort of, it really sounded more like an order) to attend to the Novak’s house. He had received it at eight in the morning and it said something like this:

 

_“Dear Mr. Winchester:_ __  
If you don’t have any inconvenience I beg you to come to my house this evening. If I have the time I’ll pick you up myself.  
Mr. M. Novak”

 

The note itself was a surprising occurrence.

Dean was taking breakfast when the maid handed him the note, apparently the messenger had said that it was a matter of urgency. So, when he read it, he couldn't help to feel irritated over the fact that he had had to interrupt his breakfast over a note from Michael Novak, of all people!

A note that not only was not urgent but it was also confusing as hell. I didn't seem like an invitation to a party, it was not businesslike either. It was only a note to go to his house to do god knows what.

Maybe if it would have mentioned dinner or something, he wouldn't have felt so annoyed, the idea of good food (and the temptation to see a particular someone that also resided in the Novak's house house) would have appeased him, but apparently Michael wanted to talk with him alone.

Dean thought about the situation and the more he did it, stranger it seemed. Because it looked like Michel only want to have a little chat or something alike, but no one would have invited him for a chat so early in the morning if not to make sure that he wouldn't make plans for the evening, which meant that the matter was indeed of urgency.

But what kind of conversation Michael Novak wanted to have with him? They were hardly friends, of course Dean had been in his house before two or three times at most (they had invited him mostly because he was Bobby's friend), and they had barely talked at all, he recalled more vividly his two beautiful omega brothers.

So he was intrigued, feeling that only intensify with the visit of the Novak’s family doctor an hour later after receiving the note.

Bobby or Dr. Singer (how he was known for the upper classes of Kansas), had been a friend of his dad and after his parent's death he took care of Dean and Sam until Dean was old enough to take possession of the family business. He was a good friend of the Winchester family and the best doctor in the state.

When Bobby arrived to the Winchester's house, Dean was already in the study trying to do some work but unable to concentrate. He kept re-examining the words of the note in his head. That until Bobby was announced by the maid.

In other circumstances he would have been happy to see his old friend, but the face of Bobby ‘all businesslike’ unsettled him even further.

None of them talked at first, the old man stood in front of Dean’s working desk watching him carefully. When Dean couldn't handle the awkward silence anymore, he stood up ready to greet to his friend, but before he had the chance to say something Bobby interrupted him.

None of them talked at first, the old man stood in front of Dean’s working desk, watching him carefully. When Dean couldn't handle the awkward silence anymore, he stood up ready to greet to his friend, but before he had the chance to say something Bobby interrupted him.

\- Well boy, you should know that I haven’t come here, this early, to talk about the weather.

\- Of course… - it was all what Dean was able to say before Bobby interrupted him again.

\- So, I am here to ask you a question and I want only the true from you, boy.

\- Yes, yes of course.

If the grim attitude of bobby’s wasn't enough, that little speech was making him really nervous. The doctor took a deep breath then looked at Dean with inquisitive eyes and said.

\- What kind of relationship there is between you and Castiel Novak?

So that was it!

Dean felt confusion at first. Castiel Novak, the youngest brother of Michael. He remembered him very well; he had met him in one of the Novak's parties. They were introduced by Bobby himself, and well, he had been charmed with Castiel since then. He was very handsome and intelligent he read a lot and was a very skillful piano player. He had been quiet even brash at the beginning, but it was most due to his awkwardness at social interactions than a really rudeness. Dean thought that he was completely endearing.

They talk about nothing in particular, the party, music, readings. Dean tried to flirt a little but Castiel never noticed or pretended not to, so he stopped and simple enjoyed of the company of the younger Novak, until Samandriel, the other Novak brother (apparently all named after angels), showed up and said that Inias was hoping to talk with Castiel and took him away.

He had seen him again another two times. They hadn't been like the first time, for one they were never alone again and they had barely talked to each other.

That was the last time that Dean had been in the Novak’s house, about three months ago, and he had never thought about him since then... who was he kidding, he had been thinking about him since they met, but it wasn't like they had talked anymore after that.

There was only other occasion when he had seen him and it was at church, and maybe he had been more occupied the handsome profile of Castiel's face than hearing pastor Uriel's speech, but… 'maybe this is all about that' Dean thought, 'maybe Castiel noticed and felt uncomfortable and told Michel and…' suddenly he started to panic, 'but no,that was almost a month ago why bring it up until now?' he forced himself to relax and answered Bobby's question.

\- Castiel Novak? – He said- There is nothing between us, I hardly know him. Now if you excuse me… -

\- No – said Bobby – This is something very serious kid. Can you give me your word that there is nothing between you two?

\- Bobby, are you crazy? There is nothing, absolutely nothing between us. We barely know each other; we only talked once or twice at his home. I doubt that he even remember me. So yes, I give you my word that there is nothing between us.

Bobby watched him very seriously, studying his words and his reaction. After a minute the older man exhaled a breath.

\- This is very strange, very strange – said Bobby without taking his eyes of Dean.

At that point of the conversation  Dean started to feel very annoyed.

\- So now I think I have the right to know what is going on.

\- Yeah, yeah, you have all the right. But is not up to me to tell. You would have to wait till this evening. I just want to tell you that this is a delicate matter. Castiel Novak is very sick and the family doesn't want that people know. Do you understand?

\- I won’t say a word – He responded, hoping that Bobby would tell him more.

\- Well, me neither, boy – He already at the door, then he stopped and looked at Dean with softer expression on his face- This is serious, Dean. Would you go this evening?

-Yes, I will- he said, and before he could say something more, Bobby was already gone.

So that’s how Dean found himself waiting for the evening and wondering how on earth he had something to do with all that. But one thing he was sure, if Castiel needed him, he was going to be there for him.

 ***

Dean didn't wait for Michael.

After the events of the morning he had not been able to concentrate on his work, so after lunch decided to take a walk to calm his nerves. He started walking without direction, just enjoying the way that the last rays of sun warmed his body.

Dean didn't know why this whole thing was bother him so much, sure he maybe had a crush on the youngest Novak, but they didn't know that, so why they wanted him involved? He was not a doctor and even if he was they had Bobby, the finest doctor you could ask for.This was a mystery that he wanted desperately to solve. His mind wouldn't be at peace until then.

He was so deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he was walking towards the Novak’s house, until he was at the front gates.

To say that the Novak’s mansion was beautiful was an understatement, the Novak family was very rich and their residence was a fine example of that, it wasn't that it was big or luxurious, which it was, but the place had something that made it look very regal.The building was one of the oldest in town and even so it looked like they had finished only a few days ago, the stone did not had any dirt or mold, only some vines climbed the right wall, they would have to spend a lot of money to keep it that way.

Dean hesitated for a moment, the note that Michael had sent him said ‘this evening’, which was very imprecise if you ask him, he wasn't sure if the evening start at five, six or after the sunset; at that moment it was a little more than five but still was before sunset ‘well’ Dean thought ‘now is as good time as any’.

He walked to the front doors but before he could even knock they were wide open. For a second the thought that Michael would be standing there and would say ‘We had been waiting for you’ or something as dramatic as that. But instead he found himself in front a beta boy that didn't seem to be older than twenty. The boy frowned looking confused but then seemed to recognize him and smiled.

\- Good evening Mr. Winchester, you are early.

\- Oh well, yeah… it seemed important.

\- It is, Mr. Winchester, Mr. Novak wouldn't bother you if it wasn't.

\- Yeah well, can’t you let me in, Mr…?

\- Oh yes, yes, of course. I’m so sorry, where are my manners. I’m Adam Milligan. Mr. Michael Novak’s assistant but please come in.

Adam stepped aside letting the older man in. Dean had been here before, he couldn't help but feel amazed by the place; the decoration was not excessive or extravagant, it was simple and classy, giving a comforting sensation, it made you feel welcome.

\- Like you should have noticed I was about to leave, but if you'd like I can show you the way to Mr. Novak’s study.

\- I don’t know the place that well so if it’s not so much trouble…

\- I would take him there, Adam. You can go now, boy – said Bobby, Dean jumped, he didn't even hear him coming.

\- Thank you Dr. Singer. Good bye Mr. Winchester.

 Then the boy went out. Bobby only gave him a nod as greeting, then started walking.

 - I am glad that you have coming so early. In situations like this time is a precious gift.

\- Well I don’t know if I must agree on that, I mean, I don’t know what the situation is.

\- Michael will tell you everything. Don’t worry boy, you’ll understand soon.

Bobby didn't said anything more but it was fine, deep down Dean was just happy to see a friendly face, not that Bobby’s face was friendly, the man always had this surly expression on it, but Dean had always feel safe with him, he was almost like his father after all.

After a while Bobby stopped and knocked at a door and just a few moments later Michael was standing in front of them, and just with a ‘see you later, boy’ Bobby walked away, leaving the two men alone.

Michael Novak was a tall and good-looking Alfa, only two years older than Dean. But he always had seemed a little older, not because of his physical appearance but because he always was so well mannered, like a man in his forties rather that his late twenties. Besides he had a certain look that inspired respect. Dean couldn't help but feel immature next to him.

-Mr. Winchester I’m very grateful that you have come –said giving a gesture with his head to enter the room – You see, this is very delicate, and even if I don't like to involve other people in family matters, I don't have another option.

Michael gave this speech while walking into the room, once he had reached his desk sat down, then give a pointed look at Dean, and made a gesture with his hand to sit in one of the chairs in front of him. It was then that the other man realized that he was still standing in the hallway, he hurried up and took a seat. After a moment of awkward silence Michael spoke first.

-How is your brother doing, Mr. Winchester? – Dean was hoping that Michael would go straight to the point so the was taken aback for this question

-Oh … he’s doing fine; he is currently in England, studying law at Oxford

-That's really great, I assume you miss him; after all, you were very attached to each other.

-Yeah well, he always wanted to go out and see the world, this town was too small for him –Dean suppress a laugh, at the pun at his brother size - I miss him but he is happy and I'm glad that he is doing something that he likes.

-Yes, I see. I’ve heard a lot of good things about him. He’s very intelligent, I've been told. Please let me know me when he’s back, one could never know when would need a good lawyer, and I’m sure your brother will be a wonderful one.

Dean knew that Novak was only being polite, but he could tell that his words were sincere, so he took the words at heart and felt glad that people were able to appreciate his brother's accomplishments, Sam had worked very hard to the achieve them.

They continued talking of inconsequential things, struggling to keep the conversation going, trying to avoid the awkward silence that they knew will settle if they stopped.

After a few minutes they couldn't find anything to say or ask, so Dean started to examine the room so he wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. And damn, Michael's study was big, he had always thought that his was a big one but that was almost two times Dean’s. But what really caught his attention was the amount of books, books of a lot of subjects and in a lot of languages, Sam would kill for have a library like that, in the old days he always tried to make him bought more books but he always refused, now seeing the Novak’s collection, started to regret it.

-You have a great library; I really haven't put much effort on mine

-Yes, well, this are my father's books, he loved to read and loved his books…

Michael expression got very somber after that. And yeah, Dean understood. Michael’s father: Charles Novak, or 'crazy Chuck' like people called him behind his back, was a very intelligent man, he had a good eye for business and making money was an easy task for him. But the problem was that he had the ‘soul of an adventurer, of a poet’ he used to say. He read a lot and tried to be a writer with little success, after his failure he started to act strange. And one day he packed his things and said that he would go to South America. He left and never came back. The family till that day didn't know if he was dead or if he had abandoned them.

Dean felt bad for make the other man revive bad memories, not knowing how to amend the situation, and after seconds, that for Dean as well could have been hours, Michael took a deep breath and said.

-Mr. Winchester, you must understand that this is not easy for me; I don’t like to rely on other people or ask for favors as personal as this, I’m the head of the house and I like to be able to take care of them, but as I have told you before this is beyond my power.

-Mr. Novak, I really don’t understand what is happening and what do I have to do in all this

-I’m going there, please be patient – Dean nodded.

-It’s about Castiel, my youngest brother. You see, five days ago he started to feel sick, a little weak, my mother thought it was a cold, but at the next morning the weakness came with a migraine and by the afternoon he had a terrible fever and Dr. Singer diagnosis a meningitis, which is rarely mortal, but there is more. The fever has come with a delirium; Castiel doesn't recognize any of us, not me, not Samandriel, not even my mother. He is in a state of constant anxiety and angst. He always looks at the door waiting for someone. Dr. Singer said that if we couldn't put an end to that torment caused by the fever, his health would only get worse, and we will lose him...

Dean was speechless; he had the sudden urge to demand to let him see the boy, but was able to regain his composure before he could do something stupid.

-But I don’t understand, why did you called me, I mean, if Bobby can do nothing I hardly think that there is something that I can do.

-Well, that is the strange thing, you’ll see. We didn't know for whom he was waiting for until two days ago, when in the worst part of his delirium started screaming his name, crying for him, we had hope that would be a momentary thing and that it would pass but it hasn't. This is affecting his nerves and cannot continue this way –Then turn his gaze away from Dean, unable to reach his eyes - And do you know for whom he is waiting? for whom he is in a perpetual state of sorrow?

-No, I don’t– Said Dean, even if he had an idea of where that was going.

-For you, Mr. Winchester, for you.

The heavy silence that followed those words was, in Dean’s opinion, very understandable.

***

-I don’t understand – it was all what he managed to say.

-Well at first I thought that you and him…

-No! no, I… we… just... you know, we never…

-Don’t worry Mr. Winchester I believe you, Bobby have assured me that there is nothing between you two, and I know Cassie would not hide something like this from me.

-Then why is he…

-Well, your guess is as good as mine but I do have a theory. Think in my brother’s brain like a field, every person he had ever met is a seed buried deep under the soil; but suddenly an earthquake strikes and stir the soil, and all the seeds are out place, but one of them reach the surface, and grows to be a plant and that plant becomes his obsession, and well you, Mr. Winchester, are the lucky seed. But well, it’s just a theory, but if not, why he would be calling for you when you are almost strangers.

Dean didn't know how to reply to that, so the sudden interruption that Samandriel did while entering the room, gave him time to pull himself together.

 

-I'm Sorry to interrupt but mother wants to speak with you – Then looked at Dean and said- Mr. Winchester, have Michael informed you about it?

-Yes, he has.

-Oh, Mr. Winchester this is terrible, this could make a persona go crazy. But well, we are fortunate at least that you are the object his fantasies and no in another less respectable man.

-Thank you, I guess – Said Dean awkwardly, flattered by the comment but a little uncomfortable for the attention. 

-Would you mind to join us, Mr. Winchester? – Said Michael at last.

-Of course, lead the way.

Dean didn't know how to feel, he wanted to see Castiel but at the same time he wanted to run away for that situation as fast as possible, even so he followed Michael, between stairs and hallways, to where he supposed was Castiel's room.

The room was almost in completely darkness, it took him a few minutes to adjust his vision and when he did the first thing that noticed was the huge blue eyes that were looking at him.

It was almost painful to see how hopeful they looked, like if they couldn't quite believe what they were seeing. Castiel tried to talk but he could only get a babbling. Then Dean heard that someone tried to shush Castiel. Was then that he took notice of the other occupants, at the left side of the bed was Bobby trying to calm him down, because now that he was trying to get up. Behind him was a beautiful woman, Mrs. Anael Novak.

He didn't know what to do. So he stayed at the door watching Castiel struggling against Bobby. Suddenly Samandriel said in a hushed tone.

 -Maybe you should go and talk to him, Mr. Winchester.

Dean like in autopilot started walking toward the bed. Castiel seemed to notice and stopped moving watching how Dean was getting closer and his eyes were full of happiness, and something more than that.

Dean had been with another omegas before, he had never fell in love, but some of them had fallen for him, so he knew how the love looked in a person’s eyes, and that was he was seeing right there, the look that Castiel was giving him was of utterly and completely love.

The youngest Novak was paler than he remembered, a little thinner but as beautiful as in his fantasies; apparently not even the sickness could take that away from him. When he was at the right side of the bed Bobby made a gesture to take the chair that has next to it, Dean did it and Castiel immediately reached for his hand, and Dean without thinking did the same. Castiel looked at his intertwined fingers then smiled, that beautiful smile of his, then looked him in the eyes and said:

-Hello, Dean.

And then Dean knew for a fact that he was doomed to love him


	2. Short-lived resolutions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the second chapter. I already edited the first one, I hope is better this time, but I'm not so sure =(  
> Any way, I tried to be more careful with this one but I know for sure that there are a lot of grammatical or speech mistakes, so same apologies. 
> 
> Thanks for the people that tolerate my babblings and gave me kudos! you guys made my heart a little warmer =)
> 
> feel free to point out my mistakes, to give me ideas or ask me to stop posting my trash! xD... all comments are welcome

**Short-lived resolutions**

 

Dean didn't know how long they stayed like that just looking at each other's eyes. It was like the time had stopped and the only person that existed was Castiel; Castiel with his beautiful blue eyes, with his pale skin, and his warm hands. Well, maybe Castiel's eyes were slightly red and had bags under them, and his skin was also slightly yellow and the hand were a little more warm than normal, but the fever had made little to overshadow the natural beauty that he was as a whole.

He could have stayed like that forever but someone in the background cleared his throat (maybe Michael) making Dean to remember that they weren't alone, they were in a room with the rest of the Novak family and Booby, who was giving him a pointed look. By instinct he tried to retreat his hand but this only made Castiel's grip tighter.

Castiel gave him a confused look and suddenly Dean started to feel very self-conscious. He didn't want to let Castiel's hand go, because he couldn't stand the look that was giving him, but at the same time he was feeling uncomfortable because apparently all in the room were watching them. He looked at Bobby for help but he only gave him an amused smile.

It was Mrs. Anabel Novak who broke the uncomfortable moment.

-Cassie, honey. Why don't you let Mr. Winchester's hand go?

Castiel turned to look at her with an expression that was between confused and annoyed, like he couldn't understand why those strangers were asking him to do something so stupid. So, like to prove a point, he tried to touch Dean's face with his free hand but didn't had enough strength and gave up after a few tries, then took Dean's hand and put it on his own face.

Dean couldn't resist the urge to cup Castiel’s face and rub his thumb over Castiel's cheek.

Dean- Castiel said, like he still couldn't believe that he was there - Where have you been, Dean? I have been waiting for you.

 It seemed that Castiel was losing strength, his voice was lower and his eyes were closing a little more at every word he spoke. Dean didn't know how to answer Castiel's questions so instead he merely said.

-I'm here now, Cas... - He didn't know where the nickname had come from, since everyone else called him Cassie, he was going to rectify it when Castiel's eyes opened completely.

-'Cas'.., - He said like tasting the word on his mouth, then smiled and said - I am your Cas.

-Yes, yes you are - Dean responded.

-Your Cas - The other man repeated before falling asleep.

 ***

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. He barely remembered leaving the room or Michael telling him to please be discreet and Mrs Anael and Samandriel thanking him. When he was aware of his surroundings he was already in bed. He didn't want to think in anything at the moment he was so tired that just took him a moment to fall asleep.

The next morning Dean woke up very early, feeling like if he had slept a lot but he was still tired. He didn't know how to process the events of the previous evening; he wanted to know how they were going to affect his life in the near future or if they were going to affect it at all.

He knew that Castiel was only a victim of the fever, what he was feeling and saying was nothing more than a fantasy that only was real in his brain, Bobby told him that he wasn't sure if Castiel was going to remember the things that did in his delirium and Dean didn't know how to feel about that. Because maybe wasn't real for Castiel but it was real for him and there was no way to denying that he wanted Castiel.

So what if he remembered? Dean only could thing in three outcomes: A) There was the remote possibility that Castiel would still feeling the same for Dean and maybe they could get married and live happily ever after; B) It also could be that Castiel would remember and he would feel so ashamed that any possibility for something between them would be lost, and C) that he wouldn't remember and they could become friends and Dean would do his best to win Castiel's heart.

Well he was hoping for the first one but he could be happy with the last one.

A little more animated he started his day; was then that he remembered that he had not eaten anything since yesterday's lunch and his stomach began to protest. It was still dark but an early breakfast never hurt anyone.

***

It was still morning when he decided to start his duties; there wasn't a lot to do so he would be free by midday, He entered his study and there was Bobby. Suddenly his good mood was gone, what if something has happened to Cas? But Bobby seemed calm almost happy so he relaxed.

-Hey there, boy.

-Hi Bobby, why are you here so early?

-Well I thought you would like to know about Castiel.

-Oh, well, I thought that you could not tell me anything, with that patient and doctor code or whatever - Inside Dean was dying to know, but he didn't want to seem too eager, so he had to play cool.

-Well, yes. But Michael agreed to maintain you informed.

-Did he?

-Yes, and I am happy to tell you that the Novak boy is doing a lot better. Your act of yesterday really calmed him down, it was the first night of sleep that he has had in days. And today the fever is almost gone, he woke up and even chatted with his mother, apparently he doesn't remember anything that happened - Dean flinched a little at that but forced himself to stay calm, after all he was expecting it.

-Well, I'm glad he is getting better - and he really was, but a part of him wanted at least another moment with Castiel holding his hand and looking him with love, it was a selfish thought, he knew it. It was Castiel’s health after all what was in risk.

-Yeah, and if you are fortunate enough you won't have to do anything like what you did yesterday, I know it had to be uncomfortable for you, but you did it well, probably you saved that kid's life.

-It's nothing Bobby, you are doing all the hard work

-I know, idjit - Bobby wasn't one for modesty- but I'm talking seriously here, you don't know how important is for the patient to keep his spirit up, otherwise it's almost impossible to overcome the sickness. Michael is very thankful, I know he isn't the more expressive person when it comes to emotions but well you aren't either.

-That's all right, Bobby, I'm glad I could help.

-Yeah well. Have a good day, kid.

And with that he was gone, leaving a confused Dean behind.

Dean thought about writing to Sam explaining the situation. He needed someone to talk about it and well, he hadn't heard from his brother from a long time (even if they tried to write to each other as often as possible the letters arrived weeks later) so he started writing, telling him about what had happened since his last time he wrote, but when he reached the part about Castiel's situation, he thought better of it. It was incredibly awkward for him to talk about it.

Bobby was right, he didn't like to talk about emotions or write about them for that matter, and any way, telling him wouldn't make anything better; by the time Sam would read the letter all the matter would have found a solution on its own and Dean would look like a sentimental fool. So he didn't write about it, just to avoid the embarrassment.

After all Castiel was well enough, surely he wouldn't need of Dean's help anymore. He would recover and go on with his life, there was nothing that linked him with Dean, maybe they would see each other from time to time, but that wasn't what he wanted, he couldn't bear the thought of not seeing Castiel like he had the night before, with his eyes full of love and devotion.

He didn't believe in love at first sight or in love in general, but if it wasn't that what he was feeling, what was it? Since the first time that he saw him something had attracted to him, more than his physical appearance, that to be frank was very appealing, it was the way he spoke about the things that he liked with so much passion or the way that his eyes were full of innocence and fierceness at the same time. He had read thing about soul mates and he had laughed about it, 'well, karma is an ironic bitch' he thought.

Even then he didn't believe in all that, maybe he had started to fall in love with Castiel since the first time they had met and with only with a look he fell completely but he didn't know how Castiel had felt about it. Did he remember him at all?

Suddenly he started to feel anger, who had gave him the right to mess with his life like that, he was happy before that, sure he had a little crush on him but he could stand it, now it was almost painful for him to imagine a life without him, Castiel had no right!

He knew that the anger it was, like as always, a defense mechanism when he didn't want to deal with complex emotions, he knew it because Bobby, the bastard, had pointed it out many times, but he didn't care, feel anger was something he was used to, something he could deal with. So 'screw you Castiel and your happy smiles and soft looks, and screw the Novak's with their money and their pride', if they called again he wouldn't go, he was done with it. And with that resolution Dean was able to start working.

***

Castiel woke up tired and sore. He tried to get out bed but he was very weak, like if he had not moved in a long time. The room was still dark; it could be the sunset or the early morning. He could barely see his surroundings, after a little struggle he managed to sit and immediately there was someone at his side, he couldn't see the face but it was definitely a woman, he tried to speak but his throat was sore, the woman gave him a glass of water that he drank eagerly. 'Thank you' he said but it sound more like a babbling than actual words.

-How are you feeling, Mr. Novak?.- Said a cheerful voice, he remembered that voice, or he felt that he should remember it; he wasn't sure, he was very confused. After a moment of silence the woman spoke again but the cheerfulness had gone - Mr. Novak? Are you feeling well? - He turned to see her, there was more light in the room than a few moments ago, 'definitely early morning' he thought, and he could see her face and he remembered her.

-Charlie? – Yes, she was Charlotte 'please call me Charlie, sir', his maid.

She smiled at that.

-Oh thanks God Mr. Novak, Please don't move I’m going to call for your mother

-It's still early, Charlie. Let her sleep, I'm fine - was he? He didn't know actually but he didn't want to worry his mother.

-No, Mr. Novak. Your mother gave us strict instructions to inform her if you woke up, no matter the hour.

And with that Charlie was running towards his mother's room.

That confused him even further, why his mother was so worried? Yesterday had gone to sleep with a little headache and maybe now was feeling a little worst but there was no way that his mother could know that. Well whatever it was he was going to know soon.

The strange part was that he didn't feel bad, aside the physical pain, he was feeling happy, he didn't know how to explain it, but something inside him was ecstatic, maybe had been a dream, he vaguely remembered a pair of green eyes but he wasn't sure, well, surely had been a good dream if he was feeling that way, so he wished that he could fall sleep and dreaming the same thing again.

***

His mother with the help of Dr. Singer explained to him what had happened. Apparently he had not had a simple headache, had been out for a few days with a very high fever. Well that explained his initial confusion and his general soreness. They asked him if he remember anything which he did not, his mother seemed to relax at that, he felt that there was something missing, something that they weren't telling him.

Dr. Singer only stayed a few minutes, checked his temperature and asked him general questions about what he was feeling. His mother had stayed with him almost all morning; she looked almost as tired as him. He hated see her like that, his mother was a good woman who had already suffered enough, and he didn't want to see her worried about him. He tried to make her leave but she refused and only left when Samandriel assured her that he would look after him.

Samandriel was a very cheerful boy, he liked parties and talk to people, he was the opposite of Castiel and Michael, not even his mother, who was very well liked in the city, had that charm. He knew how to make Castiel laugh and he knew him very well, so he brought him books because he knew that when castiel was feeling sick there was nothing that would make him feel better than a good book.

Michael only went to visit him a couple of times, he was a busy man, Castiel understood that he couldn't spend the day looking to his little brother do nothing, like his mother or Samandriel, even if he wanted to.

The day went by very slowly for Castiel's taste, he didn't like to be confined to his bed, he couldn't wait to get better, but beyond that, since he woke, up and the residual feelings of the dream had vanished, he had started to feel a little off, he couldn't explain it but he felt like someone had taken something very dear to him away. He didn't talk about it of course; surely it was just the fever. He would get over it.

Dean was ready to go to bed, it was relatively early but he didn't have energy to do anything more, he was heading upstairs  when he received another note, this time from Mrs. Novak, it only said:

"The fever is back, please come to our house"

And before he knew what he was doing, he was already on the way


	3. Fever of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a new chapter, I put my first and second chapter together, I think they worked better that way. Anyway, I apologise for my mistakes in the speech. Enjoy

**Fever of love**

 

When Dean arrived at the Novak house, there was someone already waiting for him, a red haired maid.  Whom only greeted him briefly and told him that Dr. Singer was already gone, that the fever came back an hour or so, and that Castiel had had a huge fight with his mother and brothers because he thought that they were keeping Dean away from him.

 -Seriously, Mr Winchester,-Said the maid - I'm really not a gossip girl, but I could hear the yelling from the kitchen. I mean, I thought that he was weakened by the fever but, damn, that was a hell of a fight ... oh! Excuse my language. He told them that he didn't want so see any of them and that if they didn't let you in, he was going to go and find you by himself. But at least he remembered them, or I think he did, yes! I definitely heard him saying Mr. Michael's name, but I cannot be entirely sure...

 ***

 The room was exactly like the night before, this time however there was only Mrs. Novak. She was holding a handkerchief in her hands, even in the meek light he could see that she had been crying. There was no one else in the chamber except for them. Dean thought in something to say to Mrs. Novak, but he had never been good with words so he stayed quiet, dissecting the other occupant in the room.

 Castiel was in what it looked like a very light sleep, he had his head lightly tilted to his right side with the eyes half open, half closed. He still looked pale but not as much as the night before. The whole picture was kind of endearing, Castiel's face looked confused, like he was just having the most puzzling dreams. It took Dean a minute to realize that none of the Novaks had noted their entrance.

 -Mrs. Novak – Said Charlie with a shy voice- , Mr. Winchester just arrived.

Dean looked in an amazement how the distress of Mrs. Novak was quickly replaced by a blank mask, like she was reconstructing the barriers that had left fall for a moment, then her face changed again in one mask of cheerfulness, like if the sad face never had existed in the first place. She was about to speak but she was interrupted by Castiel.

 -Hello, Dean.

 It was a simple greeting. But the words were said with so devotion that melted Dean’s heart. Because Castiel was saying them not because he was not happy to see Dean, but because the presence of the man overwhelmed him at such degree that he couldn’t find the right words to greet him. So he just said the first thing that came to his mind. And Dean could tell all this because it was reflected on Castiel’s eyes.

And once again like the night before the older man felt like the world around them had vanished.

 -Hi, Cas- He said locking his eyes with his.

 But before he could tell or do anything else. Mrs. Novak was at his side.

 -Mr. Winchester,- Said the lady in whispered tone - Dr. Singer had told us that it maybe will be better if we left you two alone. It appears that our presence could bother Cassie even further.

 The tone was said with such lightness that Dean had no doubt that was practiced and could tell, for that, how much it was really affecting her. And then he registered the words….

 -What?! -  He said in a panicking tone, of course without taking his eyes of Castiel, who was looking at them with a mixture of worry and determination, ready to jump at Dean’s defense if they told him to leave. But Dean sent him a small smile to calm him, which seemed to work, even if Cas was still alert.

 -Oh! Don’t be afraid of him, Mr. Winchester – Said Mrs. Annael Novak with a tone of amusement - You are a very strong man and he is very weak, if he tries something you can easily stop him.

 -That’s not what I meant…- but before he could said anything else the woman kept talking.

 -Besides you won’t be completely alone, Charlie here, will stay with you in case you need assistance and I will be just outside the door – And saying that she walked out of the room.

 ***

 He sat next to Cas and like the previous evening Castiel took his hand and looked into his eyes. This time he had the energy to reach Dean’s face with his free hand and doing so he started to caress the other man’s face. He did so like he was making sure that he was there, that they were finally together. More than one time, the pressure on the grip was too tight, like if Castiel feared that if he let the hand go Dean would disappear.

 -You are wearing the same waistcoat that you wore the first day I saw you - Castiel said with a fond smile, breaking the comfortable silence that they had created.

-Yeah- Dean said just to please the man, because he was pretty sure that the day of the party he was wearing a black one, an elegant one that he only used on parties, and well, that was green of everyday use.

-It really heightens the color of your eyes, they're really green.

-Mmmmh thanks, I guess…- said Dean blushing.

That comment made Castiel laugh. It was a really beautiful sound if you asked Dean.

 -You’re always so reluctant to receive compliments, Dean. Even if you are brave and beautiful; and the best man I have ever meet.

 The words were said with such sincerity that Dean couldn't help but feel crushed. Because now he was sure that it wasn't him of whom Cas was in love with. Because there was no way that he was all the things that Castiel was saying. He was in love with a mythical hero, one that by pure chance was wearing the same face as Dean. But it wasn't Dean.

 -Have I upset you? – Said Cas, sensing the change in Dean’s demeanor. – I'm really sorry if I make you uncomfortable. I’m not a very social person, “my people skills are rusty”. – Said the man actually making the quotation marks with his free hand. – Or that is what Samandriel always tell me.

-No, Cas. It’s not you. It’s just that pains me seeing you like this. – Which wasn't a lie but of course not the whole truth.

 That made Castiel smile again.

 -You are very sweet, I’m sorry if I’m making you worry.

-It’s not your fault, Cas.

-But…-

-It’s not – Said Dean putting a finger over Castiel’s lips.

 That actually felt like electricity running through Dean’s fingers, and without planning he rubbed his thumb over Castiel lips making the other man give a little squeal, and then the younger man was reclining bringing with his hand Dean’s face to him. It was all in slow motion, Dean knew that he should be stopping it, that is wasn't right, but another part of him was excited, and was looking forward for their lips to meet, and they were so close... so close.

 And then there was a cough…

 It was Charlie. Dean had completely forgotten that they weren't alone. Dean retreat of his position so fast, that Castiel had no chance to resist. And then turned to look the maid who was half way to the bed; wearing a hard expression on her face, ready to interfere if they didn't stop. He blushed furiously looking embarrassed, murmuring a 'sorry' at Charlie. Castiel on the other hand was throwing daggers at the maid’s direction.

 Charlie seemed to recoil at seeing Castiel’s murderous gaze.

-Sorry Mr. Castiel, but you are not ‘you’ right now - said the red haired maid, giving him an apologetic look, and then turned to Dean with an accusing one – And even if you were, it would be improper giving the circumstances. Besides - She continued now looking at the younger man – Your mother had asked me to look after you as well as she would, and she most likely would not approve this.

 Well Now, Dean felt even worst. He knew that he should have stopped Cas, but he didn't. He was just taking advantage of the poor boy’s condition. He wanted to run away from there and drown his shame in lots and lots of alcohol. But he couldn't leave Cas like that, he just couldn't.

 -Well you can tell her that I’m old enough to make that kind of decision for myself. She just can’t control me like a puppet and decide who I can or cannot see. She has been keeping Dean away from me and I’m not going to tolerate that, and if you…

 Charlie looked lost for words, she obviously wasn't used to seeing him so angry or receiving so harsh words from him, and Castiel was growing more agitated at every word he spoke. Dean knew that that wasn't good for him so he put a hand on Castiel's cheek and with just a: “It is okay, Cas”. Castiel not only forgot that he was yelling but also he relaxed completely.

 The little outburst seemed to drain the younger man. Because it only took a couple of minutes for him to be finally in a deep sleep. Dean didn't want to leave his side, so he stayed there with the excuse that Cas could wake up at any minute and he didn't want to be called again. But in reality the vision of the sleeping man, with a small smile playing in his lips made his heart shudder. He had always thought that seeing another people while they were sleeping was creepy, but now having Castiel asleep in front of him was giving him such peace that he understood why people did it.

 ***

 They were a total of seven consecutive nights that the fever, and Dean, kept coming back. So from five to eight every night he remained at Castiel's side, as close as two lovers can be. Some nights Castiel would hold his hand and hum happy songs, or he would tell Dean’s name over and over again while he looked into his eyes. The rest of the nights he would told him silly stories about his life, his childhood or even about their future, where they would live, how many children would they have. And what a torture was heard it, because Dean wanted all that, he wanted all that with Castiel, he wanted it so damn much.

 Dean was wide aware that Castiel loved him very much in that state, not ignoring of course that in his moment of lucidity; he didn't have any feeling for him. Even so he couldn't help but to feel a sparkle of electricity every time Castiel touched his hand, and when the man said his name again and again he felt that his heart was melting.  But the hardest part was seeing his eyes, because Castiel, in Dean's opinion, had the most admirable eyes in the world, and seeing all the love that they could give him, but he would never have a taste of it in the real life, was a very depressing thought.

 Dean knew that all that love was transitory, that someday Castiel would recover and he wouldn't remember him; but he would, and every time that Dean let himself hope, he was left let down at the next morning when Castiel didn't had a clue of what was happening in the nights. So even if that love only lasted three hours every night, he had come to love Castiel with all his heart. But that Castiel was a shadow, an illusion, like the Dean in Castiel's mind, both men were in love of a shadow that only would live as long as the fever would.

 Or that was what Dean thought until the seventh day.

 ***

 The last day of fever was in many senses the best and the worst, the sickness attacked Castiel like never before, Bobby said that they shouldn't worry that it was a signal that the meningitis will be over once the fever would break, and as always Dean was there to calm Castiel.

 Since the second day when the Novak family had agreed to leave them alone, well only with Charlie. But she always stayed in a corner minding her own business, only coming near the couple when Castiel asked for water, or they needed to arrange the pillows or well, if in some way Castiel tried to do something that will be considered improper for Castiel’s mother. But the last day of the fever they were left completely alone.

 And in truth the younger man looked worst that any of the previous days. So he rushed at his side taking the other man’s hand, like he was used to, noticing how very warm it was. But even in this state Castiel looked most lucid that the previous nights and just like before the man started - between caress and kisses that he put on Dean’s hand - narrating stories about the future that he was planning for them, but then Castiel said something that awoke Dean’s attention.

 -And Sam of course will always be welcome to visit; we will have a great library just like my father's, even bigger. And I know how much Sam likes to read.

 In none of their previous talks, Castiel had gave any sign that he remembered Dean before the party. Or that even that he knew of Sam, maybe it was true that the sickness was finally giving up.

 -Yeah, he does –And then he ventured to say because he just couldn't resist– Where did you meet my brother exactly?

-He and I were helping Pastor Uriel at the church – That was almost three years ago,  six months before Sam had parted to Oxford –  Was then when I first saw you, of course you only passed to say hi to him –Said Cas with a  frown but then said with a fond smile- You were wearing your green waistcoat

 So that was the first time that Castiel had saw him, and he was right about the waistcoat. Apparently the fever had made Cas remember every memory of him, even one as unimportant as the day he first saw Dean. But he was most confused about why Sam has not spoken about Cas, for a moment he resented his brother, maybe if he had introduced them then, Dean would be really with Castiel right now, and not only in the man’s imagination.

 -Oh- Was the only thing Dean said.

-He always spoke very fond of you. He loves you very much, he is a good brother. I don’t know if I’m a good one.

-Sure you are one, Cas. Your brothers love you very much.

-Yes, but… I don’t know if they will if they find out that I have lied to them.

-What do you mean?- Well Dean was more intrigue at every moment.

-My father wrote me under a fake name: Carver Edlund. He said that he was writing to me because I was his favorite, because I always loved his books as much as him. He told me… - The voice of the man broke and Dean held his hand tighter - that he was living in Argentina, the he was living a simple live, that he had found happiness. I wanted to tell them, Dean. I wanted to tell my brothers that he was alive, but I couldn't. Because even if it sound horrible, I preferred to think that he had died in the way home than the alternative: that he had not loved us enough to came back, that we weren't enough for him… -Said the man now sobbing uncontrollably.

 Dean didn't know what to say. It hurted him to see Cas so broken, he wanted to say something that would make him feel better, but he couldn't find the right words.

 -Do you hate me now, Dean? –Said Cas in a small voice, he looked so exhausted, Dean was sure that he would fall asleep at any moment – Do you think I’m a terrible person?

-What?! No! of course no, Cas – Said Dean hurriedly – You only did what you think was right, is not a bad thing to try to avoid bringing sorrow to your family.

 Castiel looked him at him, with a bright smile, even if his eyes and cheeks were wet.

 -You are a good man, Dean. – Slowly Cas was falling asleep – You are perfect and beautiful, and kind;  you had endure so much and still came out so good and generous - Cas was now with his eyes completely closed, -  that is why I love you so much.

 This time was Dean who was quietly sobbing. Castiel had never said that he loved him, even if he had implied it. Until that moment Dean had been able to put a barrier that let him separate his normal life, with those brief encounters with Cas, but those words had wrecked that wall completely. So sensing that this was his last chance to speak frankly with him, he said what he feared to say aloud.

 -I love you too, Angel.

 At this Castiel open his eyes, and looked him with bittersweet expression.

 -But… would you still love me, if the fever fades away? -  And then he closed his eyes and fell in a deep sleep.

 ***

 What a shock was hear those words. In all the nights that Dean spent at Castiel’s side, the other man had never had gave him any clue that he was aware of his sickness. And how was he supposed to react to such words? What did that mean? Would Castiel remember? He was an emotional wreck and it took him some minutes to calm himself. Then went out of the room and inform in his most polite and guarded face that Castiel was already asleep.

 He felt like never before, even if it sound like a cliché he felt like if his heart was been ripping apart. He knew that it was a goodbye. Because if Booby wasn't wrong, and he never was, Castiel would be fine by tomorrow, he would move on without knowing what he was making Dean feel. But those damn words- would you still love me, if the fever fades away? - has incited a hope in Dean that he had lost long ago, a hope that will be easily crushed. Because he had come to learn that there was nothing worst that to want something with all your heart just to see it fade before your eyes.

 He arrived to his house a few moments later, avoiding at possible every interaction with anyone he encountered in his way. He secluded himself in his room, the minutes felt like eons but after a while and with the help of a bottle of whisky he fell asleep with tears in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a horrible, horrible person, I know!  
> I always get sad when a story that I like has no updates and I did the same to all of you.  
> But I really, really had some mayor issues in my family and at school, and I didn’t have the spirit to write anything, let alone in another language (which believe me is harder that you thing, or at least it is for me). But here is another chapter, a short one I know! But please be patience. 
> 
> I don’t know if there still people reading this, but I promise to finish this story as soon as I can, there will be at least another three chapters. And will update soon. Pinky promised. =)


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